Hipster Douchebags Riding Those Really Tall Bicycles Can Get Fucked.

What the fuck is with those hipster douchebags riding really tall bicycles? Are they doing us all a favor by making it both easier to push them over with their high center of gravity, and more hilariously damaging to their frail hipster bones when they fall from that high up? From now on, whenever I see one of these douchebags riding down the street--



--I am imediately going to roll down my window and yell "YOU LOOK LIKE A DOUCHEBAG!"

Because when I did that on the way home this evening, seeing the guy get get startled and almost fall down two stories off of his stupid hipster bike really made me feel like a million bucks.

And while I'm at it, learn the fucking rules of the road, the rest of you assholes on bicycles. Yes, you have to stop at stop signs and red lights. No, do not go down the left side of the street because that is very dangerous and totally retarded. And the sidewalk is for pedestrians, fuck face, not bicycles.

Fuck it, everyone on a bicycle can get fucked.

The Moron That Attached The Size Tag to These Pants I Bought the Other Day Can Get Fucked.

God damn it. I just removed the tag from this pair of dress pants that I bought the other day so that I could wash them, and I just happened to notice that even though the tag on them said my correct waist size, the actual waist size printed on the inside of the pants was 2 inches smaller. I tried them on and sure as shit, they're too tight. Son of a bitch. I bought two pairs of pants that were almost identical except for the color, and since I had tried on the other pair, I thought that all was well, and when I left the mall I wouldn't have to go back for a very long time. Now I have to go to the mall AGAIN this year, so I can return these fucking pants. Of course, they won't have any pairs in the correct size and color that don't inexplicably cost 3x as much.

FUCK.

Be on the lookout for a future post in which I explain why all malls can get fucked. Right now I'm too busy glaring at a pair of fucking pants.

Canker Sores Can Get Fucked.

Seriously, anything that annoys you that much but is only there because you got stressed out or too drunk can just get fucked so hard. These things don't even have the balls to stick around more than a couple days to give you a real reason complain. They just hurt like a motherfucker for a couple of days and then they hide on you until your next stressed out bender. That is horse shit.

(Note: that was the least disgusting result of doing a google image search for canker sores. You're welcome for that.)