Being Lazy Can Get Fucked.

OK, I know that before today it's been forever since I have posted to the blog about people that can get fucked. I would apologize, but to put it bluntly, fuck you. You're not the boss of me.

Other than ranting about that pussy from Jeepers Creepers, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be published, sort of, in a magazine geared towards directionless twenty-somethings called Quarter Life Magazine. I think it's only going to be on the Internet, because it is also compiled, edited, and written mainly by directionless twenty-somethings. Also they aren't paying me any money. So really, I'm doing them a huge favor. One of these days, it will be up and running at http://www.qlifemag.com/. Go there and keep hitting refresh until they get off of their asses and publish the magazine.

My article is entitled "If I am Ever at Your Party and You Play the Buzz Ballads CD, I Will Defile Your Medicine Cabinet." If you've never heard of the buzz ballads comp CD, you are lucky. It can get fucked so hard. You'll have to be on the lookout for this magazine to come out before you get my illuminating viewpoint on it, though. Don't be thrown off by the absence of the word "fuck," however. The editors didn't think my usual vitriolic hate would play as awesomely in the sticks as it does to 10 of my friends on the Internet. Because apparently people in the sticks are pussies. (Note: I grew up in the sticks, and a lot of those people have the worst language I've ever heard in my life, so that is a fallacy.) But hey, diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks, am I right?

Maybe I'll post more frequently on here, or maybe this blog can get fucked. ONLY TIME WILL TELL!

Justin Long Can Get Fucked.

I know you are saying "Who the fuck is that?" after reading the title of this post. (That is, if anyone still reads this blog since I've neglected it for about a month and a half.) Believe me, were it not for imdb.com, I would have no idea what this guy's name was. Here is his profile on imdb.com. He looks like this:


Yeah, that guy. He can get fucked. Every time I see this guy, I just want to kick his ass. I'm not exactly a big guy--average height, kind of skinny--and I don't think I've really been in a fight since I was a 12 year old punching my older brother because he was gloating after beating me in the original Tecmo Bowl for the original NES. All of that considered, I'm pretty certain I could take this pussy. Just look at him. This guy makes David Schwimmer look like Charles Bronson.

Ever since this annoying asshole somehow was able to make that steaming pile of horse shit movie Jeepers Creepers even more of a steaming pile of horse shit, I've had a somewhat unfounded hatred welling inside me. He's one of those people that you are just about to forget about, and then they pop up out of nowhere and annoy you slightly more than the last time you saw them. Now he's in those terrible Apple commercials where he's a Macintosh and that nerdy guy is a PC. That nerdy guy is actually fucking hilarious on the Daily Show, so I don't know what Apple is thinking. Everyone hates this Justin guy, but they love the nerdy dude. I don't know about you, but every time I see one of those fucking commercials, I want to donate money to Microsoft. Seriously, I want to give Microsoft, probably the richest non-oil-related company on the planet, a company that I have cursed the name of approximately once a week since Windows 3.11 came out, some money out of my pocket solely for spite. Because of this douchebag:


Fuck that guy.