Hot Doug's is Like Winning the Lottery, Except You Aren't a Dirtbag, and You're Paid in Gourmet Sausages

I think the title of this blog post sums it up and I should stop right there. But I will elaborate at great length.

Hot Doug's resides on an unassuming stretch of California Avenue on the Northwest side of Chicago. (Note: Almost all of the hot dog places I talk about will be in or around Chicago. However, even if I didn't live here, I'm pretty sure that the Chicago metro area is home to something like 98% of the world's hot dog joints, so this would be the case regardless.) It's not very hard to miss--on one side there are a few nondescript office buildings, and then to the other side there's a big fenced-in lot that belongs to Com Ed, and a CTA bus turnabout. The big yellow and red sign at the storefront on the corner advertising Hot Doug's as "The Sausage Superstore and Encased Meat Emporium" kind of jumps out at you, as does the occasional long line of people that stretches around the corner. It's one of those places that you pass by and kind of say "What the fuck is that place?" to yourself, or perhaps to the people that are also in your car. Maybe a couple days later, someone tells you about it and you wonder if there is a name for when that happens. Then you eventually give in to curiosity and check it out. You stop by on a Sunday and they are closed. You get kind of pissed and look them up on the web and notice that they're only open Monday through Saturday, 10:30AM to 4PM. So you go back the following Saturday around noon. Then there's a line, even though the weather sucks. But you're there so you stick around.

So you finally get in the door and take a look around. It looks like a pretty damned good time in there--chock full of people extremely happy to be eating some very interesting sausages, lots of amusing crap on the walls, good music on the stereo. You look at the huge menu on the wall and notice something right away--nothing but hot dogs and various sausages with funny names. They call themselves "The Sausage Superstore and Encased Meat Emporium" because that is really all they sell--delicious, gourmet sausages. Unless you count the drinks and fries. (More on the fries later.) Hot Doug's has part of a menu that stays the same all the time. That's where you get your typical Chicago-style hot dog, Italian sausage, corndog, and my staple fare when I'm not feeling adventurous: the "Don Rickles." The Don Rickles is what they call a Thuringer sausage--beef, pork, and garlic. These are all cheap--$1.50 for hot dog or corn dog, $3 for the Thuringer, etc. But unlike any old cheap hot dog stand, they use some really fresh, high quality ingredients in everything from the buns, to the sausage, and right down to the condiments.

Then, to the side of the main menu, they've got a few weekly specials written on a whiteboard. Here you can spend a few extra bucks--up to around $8--and choose between things like:

Game of week--Rattlesnake, Alligator, Pheasant, to name a few.
Hot Doug's BLT--A sausage that tastes just like bacon, with avocado mayo, lettuce, and little cherry tomatoes.
The Pepper Lopez--a quarter pound dog wrapped in bacon, with onions and jalapeño mustard.
Reuben--a sausage that tastes just like corned beef, with sauerkraut and thousand island dressing.

And so many more. They rotate a few of them out every week. Not only are the sausages for these things interesting, obscure, and delicious, but the condiments that they put on them are very well matched. Hot Doug is well trained in the culinary arts. I think he went to Northwestern. Much like me and this blog, he decided "fuck it, hot dogs are awesome" and decided to apply his skills to hot dogs. Of course, this makes him a pretty cool guy.

Oh yeah, I said I would mention the fries. If you go there on Friday or Saturday, you can get an order of duck fat fries. Yes folks, french fries that are fried in rendered duck fat. I should not have to tell you this, but these fries are extremely delicious. Any fries that are fried in real fat are great, but the duck fat gives them a little extra crispness and sweetness that makes me about as happy as a man that has eaten some potatoes fried in the fat that has been rendered from a duck. In other words: very happy.

After you make your decision, you place your order with the owner, Hot Doug himself. He's a personable man, quick to crack a joke and offer any suggestions if you need help deciding on anything. Hell, he'll even tell you to get the small drink because they have free refills, if you try to order a large.

You are then, and only then, allowed to grab your seat. No saving seats, for you assholes out there. Because of this rule, though, no matter how packed they are, you always seem to get a seat. They're pretty quick to get you your order, which is brought out to you by an affable young gent or some girl that I have not had any interactions with as of yet, but who seems similarly affable. After you've had time to sufficiently savor your meal, you'd better not be a jerk and stick around chatting about something stupid. They will kindly ask you to leave so that the people in the enormous line will have a place to sit. You won't mind because you really want to go home and take a nice nap anyway.

So as you can tell, I really hate this place.

Just kidding. I wanted to start off the current incarnation of my internet ramblings with Hot Doug's because I think it's my favorite restaurant in the whole world. If you could somehow involve beer and sex into the equation, it would pretty much be how I would describe what my personal heaven will be like when I die. I give it 12 thumbs up and 6 stars.