These unbelievably annoying billboards have a picture of Dale Earnhart Jr, a common home improvement item, and the word "Great" in there. However, here's the "genius" of these billboards: Dale Earnhart Jr.'s car number in NASCAR is number eight. And they change it so that the word "great" is spelled like "GR-8!" I think that what really burns me up is that it's already the stupidest thing I've ever seen, and then they just decide to throw a hyphen in there FOR NO FUCKING REASON WHATSOEVER.
So anyway, the first billboard has some ceiling fans on it, and it says "GR-8 FANS!" Next to this, "Junior" is up there just fuckin' laughin' it up at the hilarious pun. This billboard just stood tall up there mocking the ever-living fuck out of my intelligence, so I was pretty fucking pissed about that when I saw it. But at least there was a semblance of a connection to something--I guess NASCAR has fans, Menards has a different kind of fans, so yeah, he's saying they are both "GR-8?" I dunno, it's a stretch. But at least it kind of made sense. My rage was lacking a murderous quality when I saw it.
The next one down the road says "GREAT PAINT!", except good ol' "Junior" is holding a bucket of paint, and has crossed out the word "GREAT" and painted "GR-8" above it. When I saw this, I was so pissed that I almost crapped my pants in rage. Just imagining the chain of events leading up to this billboard's inception just blew my mind. Did it go something like this?
Menards Ad Exec: Hey Menard's Ad Agency Guy, that "GR-8 FANS!" billboard was genius! We need another one RIGHT NEXT TO IT or those fuckers at Home Depot are going to win over the NASCAR demographic! Hurry! We stocked way too much fucking duct tape this month!
Menards Ad Agency Guy: We can do that! Let's see...we already made a hilarious pun about how Menards and NASCAR both have fans...so we can't do that one again...in fact, let's just put the whole "things NASCAR and Menards have in common" thing totally to bed. It's done. Shit's last week. ...I've got it. Hold on to your ass, Menards Ad Exec!
Menards Ad Exec: (silently pops boner)
Menards Ad Agency Guy: Two words. One of which is spelled with a dash and a number. Give up? "GR-8 PAINT!"
Menards Ad Exec: ...Jesus. I am in awe of your advertising prowess. Just...awe!
Menards Ad Agency Guy: And you haven't even heard the best part, my friend. "Junior"...has crossed out the word "GREAT" in its dictionary spelling, and has painted...using the paint that NASCAR fans can buy AT MENARDS...the "hip" spelling. The...MENARDS...spelling.
Menards Ad Exec: (signs check for $1 Million)
FUCK that pisses me off.
Also, this guy from their TV commercials totally touches kids:
I totally have no proof of this, but just look at him. You know he drives a van with no windows, and you know that van has boxes upon boxes of candy in it. Some of which are already empty.
Everyone involved with advertising at Menards can get fucked.
3 comments:
You failed to mention that song that is played every 5 minutes when you are in the store. The one that goes like this, "You save big money, you save big money when you shop Menards." And the fact they they get that song stuck in your head for days.
I wouldn't know the feeling you speak of. Much like Old Navy, I refuse to shop at this place because I hate their advertising so much.
Upon hearing your story, though, that song can definitely get fucked.
Guys who begin their last name with 3 consecutive unrelated consonants can go get fucked.
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