--I am imediately going to roll down my window and yell "YOU LOOK LIKE A DOUCHEBAG!"
Because when I did that on the way home this evening, seeing the guy get get startled and almost fall down two stories off of his stupid hipster bike really made me feel like a million bucks.
And while I'm at it, learn the fucking rules of the road, the rest of you assholes on bicycles. Yes, you have to stop at stop signs and red lights. No, do not go down the left side of the street because that is very dangerous and totally retarded. And the sidewalk is for pedestrians, fuck face, not bicycles.
Fuck it, everyone on a bicycle can get fucked.
5 comments:
I have yet to see one of those lame ass bikes here in Canada, but if I did I'd also tell the freakazoid riding it to Get Fucked! What a useless piece of crap invention, I bet a midget invented it, so the inventor of the useless piece of crap should also Get fucked.
You know T-dog, I just really feel sorry for them. Why? I mean, how do they even get up on that bike? But it does tie in nicely to your other post about traffic, since whenever one of these high bike riding hipsters get on the road, traffic slows to a halt because everyone's staring. OK, I am done feeling sorry for them...you are right--they can get fucked.
Krysta, thanks for your support. I was considering a post about how Canada can get fucked, but now I'm reevaluating that line of thinking. Canada gets a reprieve until further notice.
Minogue, of course I'm right.
Last week, for the first time since this blog went up, I saw a hipster-tall-bike as I approached the intersection of Lawrence and Broadway. Enthusiastic to put this new policy into to practice, I rolled down my window as I caught up to her (a girl with short hair and coveralls...shocking...).
As I got within shouting distance, I saw the patch on the back of her coveralls: "Rat Patrol", the moniker the Bollweevils would use back in the day when they would gig as a Naked Raygun cover band.
"Damn," I thought. "This girl is old school, I cannot mock her poor choice of mode of transportation with such fine coverall accessorization." So I passed without comment.
I relayed the story to Eric last week, and he was like "Yep, that's what they call themselves."
"I know, that's why I didn't say anything to her."
"No, I mean that's what the people who ride those bikes call themselves, they usurped the name."
Holy shit. I can't believe I second guessed myself, and now, more than ever, hipsters on tall bikes CAN GET FUCKED.
I'm sorry to have let you all down.
Mark, that is what the prostate medicine advertisers would call "weak stream."
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